outsiderslogs | I just don't know how to win with you ○ [ closed ]

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I just don't know how to win with you ○ [ closed ]

who. Agents South (

traitortwin) and North (

noscope)
what. angry shouting!!! >| on South's end. and then twin shenanigans as they gain their bearings together.
where. Zeta district
when. sometime after North's settled with Carolina and South is in the process of moving in with her new roomies~
warnings. ~~South should be her own warning~~ language. ... otherwise idk. will update if necessary.

South was... sort of situated with a living arrangement. Really, the whole thing was far more complicated in her mind than she'd ever want to admit, but at the end of the day, this was probably going to be better. In the long run, at least. In the short term, she might hurt these weird-ass strangers she'd ended up stuck with, but she was going to at least try to stay out of their way. She just hoped they'd do the same. They'd better. Or else.

Anyway.

After depositing what little she had to call her own onto a bed that she'd claimed as "hers", she went to find her brother. He couldn't have been far, since Miss Bitch In Charge was only letting them go so far for right now, so at least that was less time she'd have to spend looking for him. She figured he was probably finding his own place to stay - with Carolina, of course. Which is why she'd been on her own (like fuck was she going to live with them like that, come on now)... sort of. To be honest, even if that hadn't been the case, there was still some part of her that wanted to prove herself to be separate from her brother somehow. Call it a stubborn sibling thing. Even if on some level, maybe it would have been better if...

Ugh. She was thinking about all of that bullshit again, wasn't she?

Irritated and still more than a little bit uncomfortable with this whole being-in-another-weird-place scenario, South did her best to shut out her strange, circular, conflicting, spiraling thoughts and focused on finding North. How else were they going to get anything done?

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All right, all right - he would get to it. And soon, because if he was honest with himself, he couldn't stand the idea of her being upset with him even more than she already was. Especially given how she'd been acting since he'd been implanted with Theta.

He couldn't help but to sigh at the thought. Things had been tense between them since then, at best, and if they were going to be stuck in yet another situation where they didn't know anyone and weren't familiar with anything, they needed to be on the same level and stick together.

They couldn't do that if she was always pissed at him.

He hummed thoughtfully, nodding. Slowly, if anything, because this was going to lead to exactly what he'd been holding off on telling her, and he was just waiting for the impending explosion. "I did, actually .. that's .. part of why I came to find you."

North paused, worry eating away at his insides, and as a result making Theta restless. "I need to talk to you about something."

Before that last sentence even came out of his mouth, she could tell he was building up something to talk to her about. Then he went and confirmed it with said last sentence, and it was all she could do to keep from giving him a look that read, 'Yes? And?' Somehow she managed to restrain herself, but she still put a hand on her hip and gave him an expectant look, head tilted slightly to one side.

"Yeah? What's up, then?"

No hostility (yet), no defiance, nothing snippy or mean. She just wanted him to go ahead and spit out whatever this was about. (Was he actually getting around to it? ... Well, that would be interesting.)

Of course she would know. She knew every single thing that he was going to say before he even thought to say it in the first place - and he supposed it was a twin thing, because more often than not, he tended to be the very same way where she was concerned. Still, it didn't keep the tension, the apprehension from creeping up from the bottom of his chest, and if he didn't hurry up and come out with it now, it wasn't going to happen.

At all. And that was entirely counter-productive.

"It's about Carolina."

A pause.

"And me."

Here goes nothin' ..

It was definitely a twin thing. And apparently yes, he was actually getting around to it. Wow.

This time, she really couldn't keep her eyebrows from raising, from giving him that look that suggested if he didn't just spit it out, she was going to have to drag it out of him somehow.

Not like this was going to be news, but geez, about time.

"Yeah? And?" Okay, she's obviously starting to loser her patience now.

Yes, well .. he might have been the type to take his time about this sort of thing, but once he finally got around to talking to his sister about important things, he tended to clam up a little and put it off for as long as possible.

All right, all right .. he could more than tell when she was done putting up with him beating around the bush, and he didn't want to anger her any more than he already had.

North sighed - a deep, heavy thing that caught in the back of his throat as he smoothed a hand back through his hair. "Does the fact that you opted to live with strangers have anything to do with us?"

Oh yeah, totally starting it off with a question that .. is ultimately going to be turned back on him. Way to go, North. Way to go.

Oh wow. Yeah, way to go, brother. She definitely rolled her eyes this time, not even hiding her exasperation.

"Hey, you two seemed very ready to go ahead and find your own place," she answered, with a little bit of bite to it, "don't make it sound like I was left with much of a choice."

Because maybe she did still have the choice to live with them, really, if push came to shove. They might have gone ahead without her, but she knew she'd be "welcome" if she'd asked after it. ... Like she really would, though. (Could you blame her?)

"So what's this really all about?" Just fucking say it, man.

"We wouldn't have minded having you around, South. Don't .." He sighed, knowing that he'd already messed this up by saying the wrong thing, and it was only going to go downhill until he got his words where he wanted them, and got them out in the right order.

It was just a shame that it didn't seem that was going to happen, just because when she was this angry with him, he always found it difficult to find the right thing to say.

"You already know, don't you?" he heard himself asking, and as soon as it was out of his mouth, he wished he could take it back. Because it sounded just the slightest bit accusatory, and that wasn't going to make things any better.

It definitely didn't make things any better. If anything, it made them worse.

South's temper flared violently. That annoyed look she was giving her brother darkened into a harsh glare as she took a step forward, fueled by nothing but attitude and accusation.

"Are you surprised?" she demanded, loudly and angrily (she'd deal with the roommates' complaints later, if the came, and probably not very pleasantly... oops), "God, North, how stupid do you think I am?!"

He knew. He knew the second it had come out of his mouth that it had been the worst possible thing he could have said.

But it was already out. There was no taking it back, and it was already on the table. It was time to deal with this.

"I don't think you're stupid at all," he managed to reply calmly, though he was already bowing his head, rubbing at the bridge od his nose, and somewhere in the back of his mind, Theta was worrying for him. For them. "I - I don't know, South. I should have come to you about this sooner. You had every right to know." He paused, chancing a glance back up at her, and the anger in her eyes just made him look down again.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

It may or may not have been the worst possible thing he could have said, but it wasn't like this hadn't happened before with other things. That didn't make her any less pissed at him and personally insulted, but hey, it was something to consider.

South didn't know Theta worried, let alone for them. Honestly, she wasn't even thinking about the little program right now, she was busy being angry at her brother and looking for a way to make him pay for being such an idiot about all of this.

When he looked down that second time, muttered that apology, it... helped. It calmed the fires down just enough that while she might still be glaring at him, it wasn't with the intense fire of a thousand suns anymore. Just a couple of suns. Better than nothing, huh...?

"Yeah, and you should be." She sighed heavily. She sounded more exasperated than angry, but both were valid. "Pretty stupid move, that one."

He knew he could have said something different. Something better - but he hadn't been able to stop the words once they were already out of his mouth, and there most certainly was no coming back from that -

So he had to lie in the bed he'd made. And unfortunately for him .. the bed he'd made for himself was chock full of needles.

Whatever South decided to do, what she decided to say to make him pay for what he'd done, he would take it. Because he'd realized by now just how stupid he'd been about the situation as a whole, and the only way to make up for it was to let her make the decision on how it could be rectified.

He chewed on the inside of his bottom lip, worrying at it until he could taste blood, and only then did he even bother saying anything else. "Probably one of the dumbest things I've ever done where you're concerned." There was a small, cheerless huff of a laugh for that, and he rubbed at the back of his neck.

"What can I do to make it up to you?"

"I don't fucking know!"

Well, that came out as a much louder scream than she'd originally planned on. She wasn't aware she was really that mad, but... well, apparently she was. She clenched her fists at her side, wondering if maybe she should just hit him and be done with it - but no, she wouldn't resort to that. Not this time. ... She hoped.

"Just... I don't fucking know, North! Okay?!" She couldn't even bring herself to glare at him, anymore. Her gaze was off to the side, focused on the wall. It was still white-hot and angry, though. "I mean, what the hell am I even supposed to think? Why couldn't you tell me?!"

"South .."

He hated it when she screamed. He hated it when she screamed at him, but he knew this time, more than any before it, he deserved it. He'd made a really stupid mistake, both with her and Carolina, and now he had two very upset women to deal with.

He wasn't sure he'd ever made such a mess of something before in his life. If she wanted to hit him, if it would make her feel better - he would let her. Because at this point, he wasn't sure what he was going to be able to do to rectify the situation, and all he wanted was for her to stop being so angry with him.

"I wasn't sure what you would think." It was the first thing he could think to say, and even as he said it, somehow, it sounded .. wrong. "I'm - I'm not sure what I thought you would think, other than you would tell me how stupid I was being to get involved with someone we worked so closely with." He paused, and though his heart felt like it was about to beat right out of his chest, he reached for her - just to brush the tips of his fingers against her shoulder, something he'd done since they were children.

"I was afraid you would think you weren't important anymore."

Wrong, indeed. "Wasn't sure what I'd th-- Oh, bullshit. Because yeah, I would have probably told you that. That you're an idiot for dating her. That it's gonna be stupidly hard and drama-filled and just a whole other mess of problems that you probably don't need! But you know something? I wouldn't have fucking stopped you. I'm not gonna fucking stop you."

She looked at him for a long moment, trying to calm down. Trying to steady her breathing. It wasn't working, not one goddamned bit. She was shaking with anger. And those fingers against her shoulder were familiar enough - caring enough - to make her hesitate, just long enough...

But she pulled away from him, glaring hard. White hot and icy cold at the exact same time. She was done screaming, though, and her next words were quiet, but pointed and intense. Still angry. "As for making me think I'm not important? Yeah. You maybe kind of did that anyway by not saying a goddamn thing." She paused, but she didn't look away. Her expression didn't change. "But I guess I shouldn't care, huh? So it doesn't matter."

Oh, yeah. He'd done it now.

There was something in him that wanted to duck his head when she was screaming at him. Like a child being scolded for doing something unfathomably stupid, but it was the fact alone that he was defending his feelings for Carolina that had him staring straight back at her. When he spoke, his voice was soft, rational where hers was just short of breaking glass with how loudly she was screaming.

"But it hasn't been hard, South. Ever since we were on the Tranquility, it's been .. easier than I thought it ever would be. Barring the fact that she's been more focused on Texas recently -" He paused, a flicker in his expression that was nothing but displeasure, but a second later it was gone and his face was a blank slate. "The only thing I've ever done in my life that's been easier is watching out for you. I don't have to think about caring about her, just like I don't have to think about caring about you."

He paused, falling silent again. Listening to her again, because that was all this was about. It wasn't about him defending himself, because he was the one that had done something wrong - and she was the one that had had to pay for it. His arm fell back to his side, and he chanced looking back up at her. "I'm sorry," was all he said for a moment, because there wasn't anything else he could even think to say.

She rolled her eyes, barely managed to wait until he was actually done with his explanation to snap back at him, "I don't fucking care! I didn't ask you if it's been hard, I was trying to tell you that I'd have probably said that anyway! But since, oh, hey, I'm not supposed to know, like hell was I gonna bother! So you know what? That's not the point! At all!"

She brought one hand up, pinched the bridge of her nose as she tried her damnedest to stave off the headache that often came from yelling so much. She knew it was only going to get louder, and therefore worse, from here.

And then he was sorry. And all she could do was look up at him again, cold and distant, just so she wouldn't betray her own feelings of hurt.

"Yeah," she managed quietly - calm, but still angry, "I know. So what do you want me to do about it?"

There was that wince again when she snapped at him. It never seemed to matter just how often she tended to raise her voice - just because she was so hot-tempered - it always caught him off-guard, made him feel like there was something he was more than doing just wrong when she could barely keep from throwing everything at him that she had in the first place.

He didn't bother trying for a rebuttal, this time. Because he had completely missed the point, and while he was normally one of the most perceptive people in the Project, it would figure that the point his sister was trying to make would fly right over his head.

And that just made him even more ashamed than he already had been.

"I'm not sure." He paused, running a hand back through his hair in a nervous action that he could never quite help. "I think the question is .. what can I do to make this up to you?"

She sighed, a long, suffering sound. She was still angry - oh hell, was she still angry - but she was losing the energy to just keep yelling at him when all he was going to do was stand there and be sorry. "Just... forget it," she finally managed, "it's not even worth it anymore. I don't care."

Okay, so yeah, she did care, or she wouldn't still be angry. But... even she knew that she'd get over it.

He knew it couldn't have been that easy. To simply say I'm sorry and let that be it, because it was never that easy with the two of them.

North was at a loss for what to do, anything to do to make her not angry with him anymore, and just because he was standing there being sorry didn't make up for anything. He knew that, knew that she knew that, too.

And now it was only a matter of figuring out just what in the hell he could do to make this right again.

He huffed out a small, deflated-sounding sigh when she said that. "Yes, you do. You can't tell me you don't. You've always been a terrible liar."

She was only a terrible liar when it came to him.It was something she knew, but that didn't stop her from trying. Anything to get this conversation to just stop. It wasn't working, though. She wasn't stupid. So she groaned, resigned.

"Great. Fine. Whatever." She turned her back to him, flipping her hand in the air over her shoulder, completely dismissive. "Why don't you just go, okay? I don't feel like talking anymore."

Later. Just... later. Later, she could hold a conversation with him. He could properly apologize and she'd properly hear him out. They could start patching things up. Right now, though, she was done.

He knew it was only when it came to him. Everyone else? She could bluff until she was blue in the face, but it never seemed to matter when it was just the two of them. He'd learned from an early age - or maybe he hadn't learned it so much as unconsciously adopted the ability - to tell when she was trying to pull one over on him, and it was something that got stronger as they got older.

Something in his chest tightened when she told him to go. He should have known that it was coming, that there needed to be some distance between them while she processed this. But even still, expecting it and actually hearing her say it were two very different things.

North swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat. "Yeah .. sure." His voice didn't waver, but its tone belied everything that he was feeling on the inside and didn't show outwardly.

He might have been notorious for wearing his heart on his sleeve where his sister was concerned, but if she wanted him gone, there was nothing he could do but give her the space she needed. He ducked his head again, chin almost tucked against his chest.

"You know where to find me."

That tone.... That tone always killed her, even though she always, always refused to show it. She bit it back, fought it down. She refused to let anything show other than anger. And she didn't look at him again.

She nodded once when he'd said his peace. "Right. I do." She hesitated, but she did add, "And I'm not going anywhere either."

Even just that little bit was... a little something. Not that she was aware of as much.

She was good at hiding it. If he'd been looking at her, he might have seen a flicker of it - but since he already had his back turned, it went without his notice.

Something in his chest felt like it was going to burst, and he didn't like it, but there was nothing else he could do here. They'd both said what they wanted to say, and she'd screamed at him for all she wanted, and the only thing they could do now was let it sit. Wait.

His head picked up the slightest bit at the last thing she said, and though he didn't respond, it did speak volumes. But then again, the smallest things between them always seemed to carry the most weight.

"I'm glad."

It was all he said before he got out of her space entirely.

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I just don't know how to win with you ○ [ closed ]

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